i'd like to discuss money and why i never have it.
it's proper to clear away some minor details before i begin this discussion. firstly, i work about thirty hours a week. i do not have lazy bones. i also do not possess anything of incredible value in which i am required to make payments upon. the situation is as follows: i work, i receive money for that work, then immediately that money turns to lint in my pockets. how can this be? i have a few hypotheses.
-debit card- ah yes, the inevitable downfall. standing on line at the stop 'n shop and i feel that my account is infinite. debit cards are absolutely mysterious. when armed with a debit card, you can pretend to be the richest motherfucker in the universe and no one can/will contend this fantasy. (i'm sure with a credit card even moreso, but i can't get too ahead of myself with this one.) therefore, i spend as if i am that wealthy motherfucker.
-this is also the appropriate place to bring up how it is fashionable to play the part of the poor college kid.- vintage is just another word for 'trust fund'. i, on the other hand, play as if my account doubles every time i take a shit. this could have something to do with my abhorrence for snooty kids.
-purchasing gifts is something i am good at- people need stuff. my friends must have trinkets. regardless of an occasion or not, i probably spend about 1/3 of my paycheck on presents.
-alcohol. cigarettes. food.- the other 2/3 of my paycheck goes toward things i can fit into my mouth.
experimental data: last thursday, i had 236 dollars and change in my bank account. this thursday, 27 and change. lots of money gone. nothing to show for it.
conclusion: for now, no more excuses. i am a mad american consumer. i run around with mental shopping lists crowding up my ears. trust me, there is always something that needs to be purchased. perhaps one day i'll give in and learn how to balance my account. actually...no. never. i'd rather get drunk and play santa before i make friends with my money.

i am off to a tiny start, more concerned with such trifles...truffles...turkish delight...than actually finishing a thought. i am fascinated in this blog as an experiment. my hypothesis is that i cannot handle "sharing" with invisible people. perhaps if i pretend i have many invisible friends with no physical traits who speak in times new roman. i will try...i've got it. lists.
1. today is thanksgiving and i've spent the entire day alone. it is not sad for i've got the wizard of oz and david byrne to shake things up for me. do your crazy, shrunken-headed dance one more time, david. and i will dance too.
2. i need a cigarette. needing is a bad thing.
3. are you guys listening?
4. i've disappeared for a moment to the telephone. ross wants to go to the salvation army tomorrow and i said i'd join him. he suggests that i start all over again with driver's ed to subdue my fear of driving. i try to explain to him that my fear of high school is even greater.
5. i'm about to set down a set of rules for this blog. i feel i should kick the snow off my shoes from the start. first off. there is no depression in this blog. frankly, the downturned droopy faces of depression makes me want to spit on the ground and dance a jig all over their sad, wet raincoat tails. i'm sure this will be spoken of again, for i am a huge advocate of 'get over it'. second, there are no more rules. as my new friends it is your job to demand the talking stick in our story time circle and let me know if i trespass into the bad zone of my own rule.
6. it is good to be in command. i like writing to you.
7. seven is a good place to end a list. i know that when my lists go above ten, i am concentrating too much on a silly thing. shopping lists included. i once wrote a list that was over 500 places long. i was so tired afterward and i honestly cannot remember what the list was about. probably something having to do with things in nature that i never notice. like lichen.

off to a much better start than anticipated...i think i'll be back.